Overcoming Fears: Lowering The Gradient As A Way To Meet Girls And Relate To Girls
Last week one of my close friends asked a question that i thought was worth talking about. He asked me how to overcome fears that pop up sometimes - even when everything is going great.
The truth is it's not at all an easy question to reply to as it varies from person to person. There are literally thousands of books which have been written on that subject only. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears generally involves lowering the gradient.
What are gradients? Gradients are just like steps on a ladder. If you try to go to the top of the ladder on your first step, it will be impossible and you may not succeed. If you keep trying it over and over you may start building up a "complex" regarding failing, and soon not try anymore.
If you try to jump up five or six steps on your first try, it will also be frightening - not really impossible but scary. Probability is that if you have no experiences leaping that high you will fail too.
The correct approach is to take the first step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most secure way to climb a ladder.
Here are some examples of how I apply that to get over fears which pop up in meeting women and dating women:
As most guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. Sometimes it is especially frightening. So I am approaching a beautiful woman in a social setting, instead of telling her how gorgeous she is and how much I am attracted to her (that exposes my fear of being shot down in front of a lot of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and just say "Hi." If a girl likes you or is interested in you she will find a way to continue the conversation. If she doesn't then i understand she has no interest in me and the simple "Hi" just appears that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - thus I don't feel shot down in front of other people.
If I am starting to date a woman and I feel fearful taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I don't ask her "Do you want to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she wants to chill, get cozy, and just listen to music at my house. If she doesn't want to get intimate she surely won't want to be alone with me, getting cozy at my place. Or rather than trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will simply hold her hand or give her light touches every now and again to discover how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will begin touching me back to give me the go ahead signal.
These are a few examples. When you feel awkward and fearful just try to think of a lower gradient that isn't as frightening and enables you to make forward progress toward your goal. If you do this you will know how to meet women and how to connect with them very quickly.
Are You Too Self-Conscious To Converse Or Meet Girls?
Whenever you feel uncomfortable in any situation, it means that you are approaching this situation on too high a gradient. Rather than running away from the situation, lower the gradient.
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